Manage Self – Take Care of Yourself
by Ed O'Malley
For a moment, think about what success looks like for you? Where are you? What does it feel like? What types of relationships do you have? What are you doing? Now, think to the present. What is holding you back from the vision you just had?
During his first job after college, working for the headquarters of his fraternity, Ed remarked one day to his colleagues that what they needed was a little time to sit in a beanbag and read Life magazine. Enough with the constant movement, crazy schedules, hurried pace. They all needed time to think, distill and rest so they could be at their creative best. To this day, his early colleagues still poke fun at Ed for his “beanbag and Life magazine” speech. He was getting at what we now call “take care of yourself,” one of the key ideas under the leadership competency Manage Self. It is all about being at your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual best in order to have the capacity to exercise leadership and make an impact.
Leadership is risky. You stand a better chance of succeeding when you are at your best. When trying to get others to take on difficult challenges (aka when you are trying to exercise leadership) you need your wits, creativity and energy. We can all imagine times when we were stressed out, maybe that’s even right now for you. Your focus and quality of work plummets. Your relationships hurt. Your health suffers. Your ability to rally anyone to do anything outside their norms (and that’s what leadership does!) is dramatically diminished if you are overwhelmed with work and life.
We reinforce this idea with our current colleagues. Ed makes it clear that we want employees that are “fully-whelmed,” not overwhelmed and not underwhelmed. To become fully-whelmed, the expectation is that our team members work a hard, efficient and fun 40 hours each week. Here is a recent memo from Ed to our team:
Several times in 2013 the staff heard me describe my aspiration that they are not over-whelmed or under-whelmed, but rather “fully-whelmed.” We aren’t interested in people coasting or being stressed out. I don’t want our people working 60, 70 or 80 hour weeks. While in some work environments that type of effort is rewarded and even expected, at KLC it is misguided. You won’t be at your best working that much. I believe 40 hours of your “best” is much better for KLC (and you!) than 60 hours of “stressed-out-you.” In that spirit, let me be clear with the expectations from senior staff.
- Hard, Efficient and Fun 40-hours. We expect you to work a hard, efficient and fun 40-hours each week.
- Family and Friends. We value family and friendships, and believe you are a better employee if you do too.
- Sleep and Exercise. We value sleep and exercise, and believe you are a better employee if you do too.
- Outside Interests. We value being involved in civic life, faith communities and/or hobbies, and believe you are a better employee if you do too.
Come talk to your supervisor or me if you are out of whack on one or more of the above. Also, speak up if you see senior staff or others sending mixed messages about those items.
Bottom-line: KLC is a place that will allow you to create the best life possible for yourself. Why? Because we care about you and because KLC will be stronger if you are happy and healthy.
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Sidebar: Promoting “take care of yourself” helps an organization thrive too!
A key to our thinking about the “hard, efficient and fun 40,” as it has become known in our organization, is that embracing it promotes important decisions and innovation. People are forced to prioritize (“Of all the things I could do, what should I do? What will have the most impact on our purpose?”). Equally important, the hard, efficient and fun 40 leads to innovation that probably would not have occurred otherwise. People will find new ways to get things done when their time is limited.
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We recognize that this way of operating is not the norm for everyone. You may even be reading this thinking, “Well, that’s great for you guys, but I don’t have a job that would allow for that!” The point here is not around duplicating the “hard, efficient and fun 40” (although more power to you if you can), but it is around doing the things that are in your control to make conscious choices to take care of yourself, which can lead you to exercise leadership at your best. You may not be able to control your work environment in it’s entirety, but you can make choices about what you do and how you work.
This is beyond work-life balance, this is about doing what you need to do for yourself so you can lead others. When we neglect to take care of ourselves, we can’t bring our best selves to the work, our volunteer opportunities, our church, etc. If we can’t bring our best selves, we’re less likely able to engage in leadership effectively.
What does taking care of yourself look like?
- You recognize when you need to take care of yourself. You are self aware enough to see the need coming and prepare for it so you don’t become overwhelmed and fall apart.
- You find what balances you, such as personal projects, quiet time, physical activity, etc.
- You have kindness and compassion for yourself and the work you are doing.
- Holding to your own purpose and saying no to things that may add work with little to no value for that purpose.
- Simple things like: staying home when you’re sick, using your vacation days (how many of your vacation days are actually left over every year?), making it a priority to eat healthy and exercise
Why don’t we take care of ourselves more?
- Competing values. We choose to make managing work and family more important than taking care of ourselves.
- It’s risky. We fear job loss, income loss and the perception that we’re selfish.
- It’s against the culture. Caring for ourselves is not valued enough culturally (see the beanbag and Life magazine reference earlier in this piece).
Six warning signs that you need to take care of yourself:
- You become restless, irritable and discontent.
- You can no longer meet people where they are.
- You start forgetting things.
- You become physically ill.
- You take things personally that were meant as constructive criticism.
- You realize you are crazy busy working and seldom leading.
What is the cost of not taking care of yourself?
While only you can answer this question at it’s core, the highest cost of not taking care of yourself, is the ability to lose out on your ability to make a lasting impact on the common good of whatever matters to you most. Ask yourself – what is the cost of not taking care of yourself? For your organization? Your family? Your community? Those you care about? For you?
Q and A
Question: If you want to get ahead where I work, you are expected to put in 60 – 70 hour weeks. Balance that with my family, church, and volunteer obligations and I know I’m approaching burnout. I’ve seen some of my friends crash and I don’t want to be them. What should I do?
Answer:
What History Tells Us
Prime Minister Winston Churchill read a novel everyday during World War II…
Thomas Edison – most famous power napper ever – had cots throughout his office
Inspiration
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” ~Jim Rohn
Resources
Book: Imperfect Harmony: Finding Happiness Singing With Others by Stacy Horn
Book: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene’ Browne
Book and Article: Self Care as Ethical Imperative by John C. Norcross, Ph.D. and Jefferey E. Barnett, Psy.D
http://www.nationalregister.org/trr_spring08_norcross.html
Book chapter from : Faculty Health in Academic Medicine 2009, pp 127-146 “The Ethics of Self-Care” by Craig Irvine
http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-60327-451-7_10#
Book: Expectations and Burnout: Women Surviving the Great Commission by ??? (ask Allie)
Book: Discovering Soul Care by Mindy Caliguire
Book: Crazy Busy
Song: “Perfect Day” by Lou Reed
Example: Spain and Italy – take naps in the middle of the day
Google – food, places to eat, exercise, etc.
Our Next Book 
Really like the opening paragraph!
This is really excellent. I particularly like the sharing of the staff memo. If I wasn’t part of KLC however, I wonder if I might leave that reading, “Well, that’s good for them, but my workplace isn’t like that, so what am I supposed to do?” I’m wondering if there is a way to recognize how people can take care of themselves in ways they can control when they are in environments they can’t control. Or maybe we don’t recommend tips but we create a little questionnaire they can use as a resource to think of ways they can engage in this competency better?
I’m curious of others thoughts on this too?
In relation to what Amanda shared, I too am curious how people do this when they’re in a workplace or organization that values 60+ hours per week. I’ve had conversations this past week with folks in other organizations and it’s interesting to see the patterns of those who buy into 11 hour work days. The data I walked away with is that people who are younger and think it’s what they’re supposed to do learned it from older generations. Those who do it simply because they have to are in organizations run by older generations.
It could be useful to explore what’s behind the belief that working a lot of hours is what’s going to make us successful. Why do so many people believe it and what’s the risk of trying to do something differently?
Two possible resources:
1. Expectations and Burnout: Women Surviving the Great Commission. It was recommended to me by a pastor and one of his congregants is a co-author of the book.
2. Discovering Soul Care by Mindy Caliguire
Song – “Perfect Day” by Lou Reed
Book – “Imperfect Harmony: Finding Happiness Singing With Others” by Stacy Horn